National Junk Food Day is the day when our American friends show their civic patriotism and national pride.

Today marks the most important national holiday in America – National Junk Food Day. It turns out that the Fourth of July was just a warm up for this real commemoration of American exceptionalism.

The best way to honour the founding principles of this great nation?  Piling on food with too much sugar and salt, a high fat content, and very little nutritional value.

Having great historical significance, the holiday is a tribute to the founding fathers and the Constitution of the United States, who wisely declared the right of the people to bear cheese puffs, and for shoppers to enjoy the right to a speedy checkout line with a non-judgmental store clerk.

In celebration, junk food enthusiasts can pile on the extra cookies, doughnuts, Ghostbusters candy and soda-flavored Pop-Tarts (yes, they exist) while the US government smiles on benignly, in full support of your junk food habit.  

We only have one question: how is this different than any other day of the year?